From Her Perspective

These past few weeks have been full of elementary, high school and college graduations.  Adults everywhere are giving advice and life lessons, and the youth of tomorrow is eating it up, getting excited, facing their next steps with confidence and courage.  Well, as most of you know, the economy is in the toilet, it has been cold and rainy for like, three weeks, and to top it off, something is wrong with the trunk of my car.  I can’t open it, and now I have to store everything in the backseat.  It’s such a pain.  Seriously – try functioning without your car trunk.  It sucks.  I know, my life is so hard. 

Anyway, there are some perks to being an adult, but really, at times like these, I just want to be a kid again.  I want to wake up and have my mom make me a Peanut-Butter-and-Jelly Pop Tart (they made them in the eighties, they were awesome, and they don’t make them anymore).  Of course, when I was a kid, I wanted to do it myself, but I wasn’t allowed.  Now, I would pay someone to make me a Pop Tart so I could sit on the couch and watch Saved by the Bell.  My, how things change…

When you’re a kid, girls are awful and they’re all over you.  You just want them to leave you alone.  When you’re an adult, all you want is for girls to be all over you, but all they do is leave you alone.

When you’re a kid, you refuse to eat dinner if you don’t like it.  As an adult, you’ll eat dirt as long as someone else has cooked it.

When you’re a kid, you get up at the crack of dawn so you can play baseball or watch The Jackson 5 animated series (totally worth getting up at 5:30 for, by the way).  When you’re an adult, all you want is five more minutes under the covers.

When you’re a kid, you love running as fast as you can and it’s so much fun.  When you’re an adult, you run so you can squeeze into your already giant pants and it’s the worst thing ever.

When you’re a kid, an hour of homework sucks.  When you’re an adult, helping your kid with an hour of homework sucks because you can’t remember how to do any of it.

When you’re a kid and finally do start liking girls, a kiss is the most satisfying, exhilarating thing in the world.  When you’re an adult, that works for the first fifteen minutes, but then doesn’t cut it.  Maybe even ten, depending.

When you’re a kid, you know everything.  When you’re an adult, you know nothing.  Unless you’ve just graduated from college; then, you’re a genius. 

When you’re a kid, and you’re mad or sad enough, the tears come pretty easily.  When you’re an adult, when you’re mad or sad enough, the tears still come but you can’t do anything with them because Men Don’t Cry.

When you’re a kid, allowance day is the best day of the week.  You can do whatever you want with it.  When you’re an adult, 97% of your paycheck is spent before you even deposit it.  And yes, I deposit my checks instead of direct deposit. 

It’s funny, isn’t it?  When you’re little, all you want to do is be an adult, have a cool job and be able to do whatever you want.  And when you’re an actual adult, you just want to be able to sit and watch cartoons, eat ice cream and full-fat soda, and have no job and no responsibilities at all.  So maybe while it’s graduation season, and all these kids are so gung-ho to prove themselves, we can take a few minutes to relax, unload some responsibility on those young shoulders, and watch some MacGyver reruns.  Now THAT was a guy with a cool job…