Random Thoughts

Introducing Portia from Boston. I kind of like that name for my kid. Portia Portnoy. Sounds like a sick athlete or a porn star or something. Anyway, I debated whether I should make Portia a smokeshow or not because the below picture is so hot and looks so much like Kate Beckinsale that I'm worried Jerry may stalk this chick. Let's hope that doesn't happen.

Do you know any smokeshows that deserve recognition? Please send them our way at randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com. And don't forget to recruit over Thanksgiving Break. That is Smokeshow hunting time in my book.

Click for more of Portia

• Vic offers his 7 year old daughter up to the pedophile kidnapper. "What are you, the 'Bad Cop'?"  "No, I'm a different kind of cop."  Then he beats the information out of him with the phone book.
• The Strike Team meets an NBA player who's in town to play the Lakers, then detain until after the game him so they can put money on the Lakers.
• Dutch spends all night trying to get into Danni's pants, only to drive away and see her banging Vic.  To which he says "You have got to be shitting me..."
• A gang banger forces Acevedo to give him oral at gunpoint and photgraphs it.
• Acevedo's wife tells him if he was a real man he would've taken the bullet instead.
• Cavanaugh from Internal Affairs starts digging into the Strike Team.  So Vic sleeps with his crazy ex-wife.  "Your wife's pussy tastes like sweet, creamery butter" becomes an instant catch phrase among me and my co-workers.
• Dutch profiles a serial killer, who then turns the table and does a pyscho-analysis on him.  Afterward, Dutch sits in his car and breaks down in tears.
• Vic hangs a perp over a balcony, hands him a piece of paper and says "Write this down: L.I.F.E.S.U.X. You're about to die a bad speller."
• After talking to a murderer about what it's like to kill someone, Dutch strangles a stray cat.
• After a vicious beat down at the hands of Shane and his wife, Tayvon crashes his car and is thrown through the windshield.
• The Strike Team slips a hidden camera into Dutch's car as he goes on a blind date.  As he's driving home alone blueballed afterwards, they watch him singing along to "Hungry Like the Wolf" on the radio.
• Every time the hot Latino cop posed as a hooker or an porn actress.
• Shane walks up to his best friend Lemanski, the moral compass of the show, who wasn't going to take the rap for them all, and drops a live grenade into his lap.
• Shane lets Vic torture and kill an innocent man for Lem's murder.
• The classic look on Claudette's face while she listens to Vic's confession and she realizes after all these years, hours away from nailing him at last, he's slipping through her fingers.

There's still a lot of plot threads dangling for one episode to resolve, but if the last seven seasons are any indication, they'll all be tied up.  There won't be any pretentious "Soprano's"-like ambiguous fade to black or unresolved storylines like every season of "24."  But if it ends with Vic waking up in bed and finding out he's still "The Commish," I'll kill myself.

A while ago we brought you the story of aging sleazebag washed-up tennis player Boris Becker and how he was engaged to 24 year old Alessandra 'Sandy' Meyer-Wolden, the daughter of his late manager whom he's known since she was an infant. Well we're sorry to report the wedding is off. Sandy just dumped him the classiest way possible: via text message:

German tennis player Boris Becker, who has won Wimbledon three times, was broken up with via text message last month, says Textually.org. Becker's 25-year-old ex-fiancee, Sandy Meyer-Woelden, apparently broke off her wedding with the 40-year-old tennis champ via a string of five text messages. Becker explained:
"I suddenly got an SMS from Sandy... saying that this was it, that this was over. To make sure how serious she was she sent me five others saying the same thing. I was completely surprised."

Those texts, Becker told reporters, "trampled on my soul."

The best part about this story is that seven years ago, Becker dumped his own wife the exact same way, via text message. And now that it's happened to him, he's all in high dudgeon about it. You know how you can tell for certain that you're living a good life, free from the annoyances of worrying about other people and inconvienence of basic human decency? When you can pull a dirtbag move like divorcing your wife by text then when the same thing happens to you, complain to reporters about how unfair it is. Now that's living the good life. That's looking out for No. 1. As a general rule, I admire aging, sleazy sleazebags who nail hot girls. I think most guys do. But once in a great while a guy comes along who elevates the whole middle aged lothario game to an art form, and Boris Becker is one such man.

MyFoxNY.com  --  Angry customers on Long Island are saying their home-improvement contractor is a smooth talker. The problem is, much of what he says isn't true. Arnold Diaz exposes the man and his web of lies.

Click For Video

This video is pretty long and pretty boring.  Unless of course you like watching one guy set the Guinness Book of World Records for most times getting caught in a lie in a five minute span.  But that’s not the reason I posted this.    I just can’t get enough of that dude’s opening line to the reporter.  “You want to get painted bro?”   Does it get any better than that!    I’m totally using that from now on.   It doesn’t matter whether you’re threatening somebody or asking a buddy if he wants to go drinking.   “You want to get painted bro?” is the gift that keeps on giving.

"Holla if you hydrate"

- thanks to whoever sent me this. I lost the email though.

Bostonherald.com - Twenty-one-year-old Weymouth resident Alison Cronin was crowned Miss Massachusetts USA last weekend after beating 114 other women competing for the title at the Boston Marriott Quincy Hotel. “I am thrilled to have Alison back as our new Miss Massachusetts USA,” said Laurie Clemente, Executive Director of Miss Massachusetts USA. “I feel confident that with her commitment to her preparations, her obvious beauty and her ability to captivate an audience, she just might be our next Miss USA. Cronin, a 2005 Weymouth High graduate, will represent the state of Massachusetts during the Miss USA pageant on April 19th at the Theatre for the Performing Arts at Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino in Las Vegas. Three years ago, Cronin, then 18, won the state’s Miss Teen USA title. She went to the national finals, in Baton Rouge, La., but did not finish in the top 15.

I have a question. Has Miss Massachusetts ever gone on to win Miss USA?   I don’t think so right?    And I guess it shouldn’t be surprising with this type of decision making from the committee.  I mean just three years ago this chick was Miss Teen MA and she didn’t even make it to the top 15 at Nationals.  Now suddenly we expect her to win the big one?   Listen in terms of looks you are what you are by the time you are 18.    It’s not like you can hit the gym and get prettier. So how can we expect her to suddenly improve like 30 spots?    Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be rooting for her ,but this sounds like it was an inside job.    More importantly I fully expect the Stoolies to send me a ton of pictures of her by the end of the day so we can properly evaluate her credentials.   Send them to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click to buy your very own Looch Crew shirt. And yes I know these are a rip off of the old PJ Stock shirts. That's the point. Like I said earlier today, why mess with perfection?

PS - My shipping skills have gotten much better in the Dot. You'll have this bitch in a week.

Daily News: Her boy toy may have been a stud, but he was no student. A Queens teacher fired for bedding a 17-year-old male model is suing to win her job back, saying she had no idea her lover boy was enrolled in high school during their affair. Gina Salamino, 37, contends her job as a tenured second-grade teacher at Public School 121 should have been spared because Joshua Walter was so busy catwalking he never attended a single class during the 2006-07 school year. "They have no case," Salamino angrily told the Daily News. "There is no improper relationship." Salamino maintains in Manhattan Supreme Court documents that it's "complete fiction" and "ludicrous" for the Department of Education to insist the globetrotting runway star was a "student" when he hooked up with the teacher, who was then 34. "In support of this, she cites the dictionary definition of ‘student' as ‘one who attends a school,'" court records say. The affair was hardly short-lived - they live together in Queens and have a child.

You know you're reading the most bizarre Sex Scandal Teacher story ever when you find yourself for the first time ever saying "What the hell is this kid thinking?" Believe me, I've covered a million of these stories and while not every teacher involved is Amber Jennings, you can usually grade them on a scale at least and say "Hey, not bad for a teenage kid." But there's no mitigating Gina Salamino. She's a disaster of Roland Emmerich movie proportions. I mean, look at that picture. It looks like a kidnapping. Not that I'm saying Joshua Walter is all that great looking... OK, I guess I am. Hard as it is for me to admit, this is a good looking guy. He's three Super Bowl rings away from ME wanting to date him. He could probably have 95% of the models he works with, but he falls in love with every chin on Gina Salamino's face? As far as I'm concerned, they arrested the wrong person. Joshua should be tried for crimes against penises everwhere.

The Grades:
Looks: F-.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: F.
Intangibles: F.
Overall: F.

If I've said it once I've said it a million times. There is nothing I love more than watching little kids get demolished. And this youngster deserves everything he gets. I mean am I crazy or was he staring at that soccer ball the entire time it was coming at him. Feel free to move kid. On the bright side he did set the record for longest hat ejection from somebody who just got their face demolished by a soccer ball. So kudos for that.

Reader Email

Hey stoolie,

So this thing isn't the coolest shit I’ve ever done with my life of anything,
but it was definitely worth the day of class I skipped to make it a few years
ago. I figured if I’m gonna use cheap beer cans to build a masterpiece I might as well make it into gods trophy; Lord Stanley's Cup (which is coming to Boston this year). I like the other things people have made too, especially the chew table from northeastern. Anyway, just wanted to know what everybody thought of this thing.

Dave from Curry

Ding, ding, ding! I think we have our first tshirt winner!    I am totally voting not lame on this one. Because I'm just going to assume that whoever is the reigning NHL 92 champion is in the dorm gets to hold onto the Cup in their room which is pretty cool. The only potential problem I see is that he needs to laminate the top of the cup or something so you can drink out of it without cutting your face to shreds. Unless that is part of the charm. Either way I'd be surprised if this didn't get a not lame vote.

PS - If you have any weird shit like this send it in. Anything that gets a not lame ranking of 5 or above from the Stoolies wins a free tshirt. And yes I think I just totally just invented another awesome game at the Stool.

Vote 1 for Lame and 10 for not lame

Boston.com - Kristin O'Neill blames Facebook for her recent breakup. O'Neill, a financial worker from Quincy, created an account on Facebook.com this year after hearing about the social networking site's popularity from her boyfriend and friends. What she found on the site was the stuff of a bad Lifetime channel movie: Her guy had created two separate profiles. He posted salacious comments on other women's photos, and he claimed he was in an open relationship. With printouts of his photo comments, O'Neill confronted her boyfriend of two years. He confessed. She dumped him. O'Neill, 25, has experienced firsthand Facebook's power to sour relationships. "It can be misused and abused," she said. "It's an easy way for guys to try and not get caught. Girls too. It gives motive to snoop. It's just awful." These Facebook flirtations are stirring debates online. At least a dozen discussion groups on the site and on personal blogs deal with the topic. Message boards declare: "Facebook Ruins Relationships." In one forum, a member confessed: "A three-year relationship ruined . . . if it weren't for Facebook, I would have never known he was sneaking around with other girls. . . . It's pretty much the new form of cheating."

When will fat chicks learn?   It’s not facebook’s fault.  It’s not your boyfriend’s new job’s fault.  It’s not the dogs fault.   It’s nobody’s fault, but your own.   The reason why your boyfriend cheats on you or tries to cheat on you is because you’re fat.    Once you accept that fact and hit the gym then suddenly facebook and everything like it won’t seem so scary.  I mean do you really think there is one hot chick on the planet who is complaining about Facebook ruining their relationship?  Of course not!   Facebook is just a scapegoat for gross bitches.   So stop blaming other people and start taking responsibility for the way you look.  Because the sooner you do that the sooner you can find true happiness.  And that’s today’s free advice from the Stool.  Who says I don’t care about the ladies?

So apparently the Bruins just unveiled their 3rd sweater yesterday. Now I'm not saying we're the best sports blog in Boston, but we're definitely the biggest. So you'd think the genius's at the B's marketing department may have thought to send me a few pictures of it to help create some buzz. Instead I had to go get a crappy screen shot from their website. Although I guess I shouldn't be surprised since they make you open a PDF to get a good look at it in the first place. Come on guys. The Bruins are in 1st place. Start acting like it. I mean isn't the goal to sell some of these? Anyway, I'm curious what people think of the new sweater? Personally I'm not a fan, but that's just because I love the ones with the B in the middle. No need to mess with perfection.

Vote 1 for you hate it and 10 for you love it

More of the Sell This House host here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@Barstoolsports.com